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TOURISM Austral!a hasbeen roundly criticisedas rnuch for its choice of the model to attracl cver-seas visiiors. as its slooan, "So rnrhere the bloodyheil are you"l Both taiieci io ir-npress and ihe touristni-lir cers,risa p;-rqinigci.

So ii l<as uiieriy uniersiandaDle ihai iis ;i-i-ls-

ilairrns v,,,or-;id spiii crrer when questicns fi'cnrpoieniiai visitors about CZ becare sc ouilaniiish ihat-Tourisrn Austraiia cecicied to pcst ii iemor-r its v.rebsite. The folioir.,ing ale ihe questions;and ihe 'ans\nJe rs'.

Q- Does ii ever r'ain in Australia? I have neverseen ii rain on Til, sc how do plants grou;?

A-We impcrt a1l plants fuliy-grown:,and then justsii around v,,aiciiing tnem'die. = :

Q- Vviii i r.ie abiaf-o see kangaroos in the streei?

A- Depencs cr hc'..! much you ve been drink-ing

Q- | want to walB:ftom Ferth to Sydney-can !

icilow- ihe rai lroaci: tiaeks? (Sweden)

Q-Can I wear high heels in Ausiraiia? (UK)

A-you are a British politician, right?

Q-Are there supermarkets in Ausiralia arri rs

milk available al! year rcunci? {German;';

A-No, we are a peaceful cl,;iilsalion of vegarihunter/gatherers. Milk is illegai.

Q-Please serd a list of all dcctors in Austra-iia

urho can dispense rattiesnake serum. iUSA)A.-Rattlesnakes lii,e rshere YOU ccme frorn. All

Ar-rstra.lian snakes are per-fectly harnrless. can besafely handled anci make good Pets.

Q-l nave a q'-:estioii abr,lul, .:i iarnous allrrlai irr

,qustraiia. but I fcrget iis naire. il s a kinci ;-tibearand iir,'es in iIees. i,JSA)

A-ii's calies a Dro0 3ear. Iirev ai'e s+ caiiiii:ibecar.rse they droo oui ol gurrr trees anci 9at ih*brains of anyone ',valking underneath then. vioi--t

can scai'e ine,-n oii b,u spra.ving yourseif 'r,'ilh J-'u-

nian urine before ycu go orii waikir.q.

Q-Do you have perfume in Ausiraiia? {France)A-lJo, WE don't srink^

Q-l have developed a nevr prodr-ict tha'l is ihefountain of youth. Can you iell me whete I cansell it in Australia? (USA)

A-An;,',a,11s r.s sign iiicant n um bers ol Americansgather.

Q-Can you tell me the regions in Tasr-naniawhere lhe femaie population is smaller than ihemale populaticn? (ltaly)

A-Yes gay nightclubs.

Q-l was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I wantio contact the girt I dateci while I was staying inKings Gr-gss. Can you help? (USA)

n.Ve$anO you still will have to pay her by thehour.

Q.Witf i'be?ble to speak English mosi places I

ga3=.{!.S.4)= ,z:'

.,';=:aAtY=!,t you'll have io learn it first'

.::1. . Henry Casson.

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A-Sure, it's onlyJhjQq,thousand miles; take lots

Q-ls it safe to run around in ihe bushes in Aus-tralia? (slveden)

A-So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q-Are there any ATM's in Australia? Can youse nd.fi e,r:e Ii st.sf th-et-!j i n Erisban e, Cai rns',Townsville;:ahd HervEy.j,Bay? (U61".;" ' '''

A Wha! did your last slave die of?

O.:,C-enyg1.r.,gfvEme:Ss-rf q,'ihl.o.i.p,a!.oir.,absu!hipp.o.,'.iacing.,lnAE3trali_6?(USA):=:ij;;',.'

R:A-fri-Ca is the big triangle-shaped continentsouth-irf.Europe:AtlS,tra-lia is that big island inthe middle$the Pacific which dpes no1...,oh-ior-g€i'it' sir re!;''hi p po racin g'is evenlTi.r eEeiay ni ghtin Kin gs, C ross* Come- gakgd+,,:.-, -.:.:.,,,. -.,, :....... -:: :.:.:. t. :1

Q-Which direction is north in Aus-trajia? (USA)

A- Face so;rih and then turn 1 B0 degrees. Con-tact us when you get here and we'll send you therest of the directions.

Q-Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A-Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q-Can you send me.the.Vjenna Boys' Choirschedule? (USA)

A- Aus tri-a is that quaint little country border-ing Ger-man-y, which is...oh.forget-il, sure, theVienna Boys Choir play,s evgry Tuesday nigh.!,i11

Kin gs Cross, straight aiterthe fi ippo races. eomenaked.

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